Restart Now or Postpone

You know the question windows asks you when you install a new program onto your computer...would you like to restart now or postone? Well clearly it's been a while since I have posted anything. I always start things with the best, most sincere of intentions but if you know anything about me,  you know that I am a master of starting things...lots of things...and seemingly destined to never finish successfully, if at all. Once again God is still working on me...after all, we all have weakness', right? So for now, I'll restart.

I was actually inspired by my friend Kelly, who somehow, through the organized choas of her household, has managed to start a blog...and she has posted for the last 3 consecutive days :-) WHILE they are on a road trip. What a blessing it is to get a peek into her thoughts when we aren't physically close enough to have coffee and tirmisu anymore :-( But seriously Kelly, do you do it all in your sleep? Do you hold your phone up to your head and type and send by osmosis? Are you withholding your pork enchiladas as ransom and making Brian type it all out as you dictate it? You are killing me!

My friend, Jennifer, with 5 of her 7 children still living at home also manages to blog. Between the doctors appointments, diapers, Blue's Clue's and Missions activities where on earth do YOU find the time? Oh yeah, and need I mention that she is also going through the circus of adoption paperwork for the 3rd time in 3 years...birth certificates, snail mail drama, dossier, home study appts, background checks and everything short of singing Yankee Doodle in your underwear for the Queen with your elbow in your ear. This woman is truly an inspiration of determination, energy and Christlike behavior. Your lack of patience is exemplified as an unrelenting persistance that makes us all want to stive to be better. You are killing me too :-D

Jill blogs too. She blogs for her business but I still say that counts. I've seen and heard firsthand the pressures of her buiness "coach" who challenged her to blog every day for 30 days. It paid off...at least I think she thinks so..I'm sure she's explained the ins and outs of the importance of "hits" on her blog a hundred times to me but unless you understand the internet world of crafting, blogging, websites, RSS feeds and mounds of other internet lingo, it's easy to get lost...and I'm a learner by doing AND discussing. Maybe I should just go ahead and jump on the Stampin' Up demo band wagon...Lord knows she has been patient enough waiting for me to take the plunge but then again I might sign up and never finish what I mean to...sound familiar? Again, this is another lady that always has 50 things on her "to do" list and can't figure out why she is always either sick, tired or both. Somehow she manages to go, go, go and do it with a smile on her face. She is forever patient and endures my every pain and stupid parenting decision I have made in the last 5 years. She is always armed with listening ears, the word of God and a husband that makes one mean smoothie :-) I don't know how you keep going either. Get in line...you are killing me too!

On that note, I laid in bed last night with my brain going a hundred miles an hour. Never mind that it was after midnight and I was exhausted. That whole keep a pen and paper by your bed thing doesn't work for me. I'm too lazy physically to get up no matter what my brain wants to do. It's a constant battle. I was thinking about the good and the bad so to speak. How I wish I had archived more day to day activites of my kids and family early on so that I had something to look back and smile about (specifically). Of course life isn't always miserable but sometimes it's nice to have a specific memory to look back on to pass on to your kids (they like to hear about what they did) or just to spark a conversation. My memory is not the best on a good day.

Anyone who has been close to me in the last few years knows of the pain and suffering Jennifer and and I have gone though. In week 5 of a Bible study I'm doing (Beth Moore's "Breaking Free") we learned that the Hebrew word for broken is shavar meaning 'to burst, break into pieces, wreck, crush, smash; to rend, tear into pieces (like a wild beast). Doesn't that give new light to a word we use in every day speech? That sure summed it up well for me. I used to think I was pretty good at writing and with words but somehow over the years either I've lost the knack, everyone out-smarted me or I finally snapped into reality :-) because now the words don't always come so easy. I can't crawl into my daughter's head and know exactly what she's thinking but from what she has managed to share without falling into a pile of tears on the floor, it about sums it up for her too. Some days I think dealing with a physical death would have been easier...there is a definate end to that here on this earth. Suffice it to say that when deployments come and go they don't always end the way you think they are going to...just because they come back doesn't mean they are ever really back. I look around and our situation seems to be more the exception than the rule but I suspect there is more of it going around than I know about. God has graciously provided me with the promise of His word, amazing friends and a daughter that makes me want to be a better person. I have friends that are Christians, believers but not followers and others that would like more tangible proof other than just the creation of this earth and all it encompasses....God has used each and every one of them to be an encourager, to be loving and to make me laugh when I am looking on the wrong side of things. And I, my folks, am going to be living proof that God can make beauty from ashes...